Demi Lovato is opening up about her struggle with mental health, and the role it’s played in her life since she was a child.
The “Sorry Not Sorry” singer sat down with Dr. Phil for an interview, which airs Tuesday, and she got candid about how she first felt suicidal when she was a young child.
“The very first time I was suicidal was when I was seven. I had this fascination with death,” the singer shared. “I have experienced things that I have not talked about, and I don’t know if I ever will talk about. But at seven, I knew that if I were to take my own life, that the pain would end.”
Lovato explained that the thought of suicide “came back when I was bullied,” and during several other periods in her life when she was dealing with emotional turmoil and trauma.
“It came back several times — when I was struggling with depression, my bipolar disorder. And there was a while there when my mom was afraid to wake me up in the mornings because she didn’t know if she opened the door if I would be alive or not,” Lovato said. “Because every time I cut, it got deeper and deeper.”
The pop star has been very open in the past about her struggles with mental health, sobriety and self-harm, and has undergone treatment in the past to help her get a handle on the issues that have haunted her for years.
While the singer recently celebrated her sixth anniversary of being sober, she also admitted to Dr. Phil that she has one “everlasting addiction” that has proven harder to control than even drugs or alcohol.
“I think the everlasting addiction in my life has been food. My eating disorder started when I was very young. That’s something that I deal with on a daily basis,” she explained. “It’s kind of the last thing to go.”
“I feel like I’ve conquered my addiction and alcoholism, where I don’t even think about it anymore. But my struggles with my food issues are something that I still deal with,” she added. “But I’m growing, and I’m in a really good place today.”
Another aspect of her life that has caused the singer a great deal of pain was her strained relationship with her father, who Lovato says she “stopped communicating” with when she was 14, and she feels she never got closure before he died.
“He passed away when I was 20. And at the time, I was so conflicted,” she told Dr. Phil. “A part of me hated him, a part of me loved him, a part of me felt sorry for him.”
Lovato penned her song “Father” as a way of paying tribute to her complicated relationship with her dad and his death, and she admitted that it’s harder for her to perform in concert than nearly any other song she sings.
“This is the first tour that I’ve performed it on. I’ve only sang it live three times,” said Lovato, who is currently traveling across the country on her Tell Me You Love Me Tour. “I get through it OK. But I realize that I can’t just shut out this performance. I can’t just not play a song. The healing is through performing it.”
Watch Lovato’s full, emotional sit-down discussion on Tuesday’s Dr. Phil. Check here for local listings.
ET caught up with Lovato in March 2017, where she opened up about what motivates her to fight her vices and stay emotionally healthy.
“What keeps me on this path is there’s a drive that I have to stay sober because I know that my life depends on it,” she reflected. “If I would have continued down that road, I don’t know if I’d be here today.”
Watch the video below to hear more from the Confident artist.
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